A Parenting Quandary

Am I doing the right thing?

This has been something on my mind for some time now. While I adore my children, I am not blind to their limitations, or mine.

I often post about Bean and the family as a whole but recently I have been drawn toward questioning some of my decisions as a parent. So today is about Number 2 (D).

D is generally a fairly easy going and likable child... some times too easy going if truth be told, especially if one is in a hurry. Of course, he has his demanding moments... especially when needing support and affection or stuggling with something. But generally he is happy to follow along with whatever we are doing as a family.

D is also a very creative child and will spend time creating out of paper and cardboard and anything else he can lay his hands on. He loves to sing (which annoys his big brother) and will whistle at tune to himself when in a good state of mind (which also annoys his big brother). D enjoys being outdoors, and needs a fair amount of space to move and make a noise.


I love that he is an avid reader. One of the hardest things to do is to pry him out of a good (or even mediocre) book, and D will spend hours with his nose tucked into a fantasy land of dragons, hobbits, monsters, knights and adventure. At nine age 9, he is now crusading through the second LOTR book, which he just about had to beg, borrow, and steal out of his big brother's clutches. This reading hyper-focus is in direct contrast to the D with his feet planted in reality. He never stops moving, and jumps, hops and skips instead of walking.

When not stuck in a book, D can be wild, unfocused, impulsive and clumsy. Which brings me to my present quandary. Both my big boys go to Karate training. Number 1 takes it seriously... as he takes everything in life. D... well, not so much. I think he would like to, and in his own way he does, but he seems to have a few obstacles in his way. As he has low muscle tone, he has difficulty with some of the movements, balance and sequences (Kata). When his sensai gives him one-on-one attention, he can perform but during this time D uses much more intense focus than during group activities... and he can't maintain this intense focus for the whole lesson. His sensai (bless him) calls him "playful". I, on the other hand, sit and chat to the other parents and try not to look.

I feel like I have tried everything... punishment, reward, even bribery to get D to perform suitably during Karate lessons. But I have recently begun to doubt whether I have done the right thing in taking him there week after week. He definitely makes an effort to participate. He really does try.  He doesn't complain, and seems to enjoy the classes but his progress is snail's paced compared to that of the other children.

Part of the reason that D does karate is because he has low muscle tone and coordination difficulties... in addition to the OT that he received over the years... in the possibly somewhat misguided hope that it would assist him in developing coordination and control. However, I am starting to doubt whether D is suited to Karate. Or perhaps whether karate is suited to D. It isn't like we haven't persisted. He has been doing Karate for three years already, and I just don't feel that we are getting anywhere with it.

Looking at the way he hops, skips, jumps, stomps and swishes his way through what should be precise movements, I get the vague feeling that he might be better of doing contemporary dance. He has a natural rhythm and motion, a spring in his step and seems to move to a beat of his own.

Perhaps his free spirit would be better caught up in creative dance than contained in martial arts...