Musings of a Modern Parent

At what point does one becomes a good parent?

I am a good parent. I believe this. Don't get me wrong. I love being a mom, and I love mothering my children. And yet, I am fequently assailed by doubts as to my parenting capabilities.

These doubts aren't a recent thing. They didn't come about because of my accident. They started many many years ago, probably about the time that I fell pregnant with my first child. I sometimes wonder why it is that I doubt myself as a parent. Perhaps I am just overthinking the question. I am a caring, capable person, but perhaps therein lies the problem. In parenting, there are so many uncertainties. I don't know of any parent who does not experience uncertainty at some level.. financially, emotionally, socially, in attitudes to discipline, fairness, nutrition, bedtime routines, right down to which socks to put on, or whether to put on socks at all... the list really is endless.

Children are regarded as complex little beings and each aspect that we have to support and nourish. I sometimes think of parents who don't have the wonderful support system that I have and wonder how they do parenting. It's not like adulting, when you are a parent, you don't get to choose whether or not to do it, you just have to get on with the job.

While there are some good parenting books out there, it isn't like they can give you all the answers. You can't parent from a textbook... at some point, you have to wing it.

It's never going to be perfect.

Maybe that's what we need to accept.

That "Good enough" really is good enough.

There are no marks for parenting. Nobody is going to give you an A+ in social development for having weekly play dates. You can't earn a D- in dressing your kid and forgetting to put on socks. And if you did earn a D-, that would still be okay because that was the best you could do... and your kids will probably still turn out fine... maybe even better because they might learn to do things for themselves rather than being herded through life.

Logically, I know that I'm a good parent. I do all the stuff that I'm supposed to do... like making sure the kids have a bath, eat properly, and brush their teeth, put on a jersey when I feel cold... but in such an uncertain world, how do we protect and nourish little minds and gentle souls?

It is hard to accept that there is nothing that we can do to completely protect our children. Perhaps it is part of the human struggle to accept our limitations, and let those things outside our conrol remain outside out control.

Today, I'm giving myself an A+ just for being a parent. I deserve it. I'm worth it. (Take one for yourself, while we're at it. I have enough to go around.)
I'm not awesome. I'm human and I give it my all.
I love my kids, and they're okay.
That's good enough.

It's hard to say it, but children are not the be-all-and-end-all of existence... even when they try to take over every aspect of your life.
They are part of my life and that needs to be put into perspective before it becomes overwhelming.
There is more to life than parenting... like being human.
There is more to me than just being a parent, and those other aspects mustn't be ignored.