ages apart
Numbers 1, 2 and Bean seem to be miles apart.
Number 1 will always take position number 1 in my heart. That doesn't mean that I love him any more or less than the others. He was just there first.
Even though he's a teen, many of his needs are the same as Bean's. Making sure he is fed and cleaned is a tad easier now though as he can do these things for himself. One thing I have made a special point of is to not leave him out. Number 1 often finds sanctuary in his room: a relatively quiet place with his beardy for silent company. And I try to respect that need. At the same time, he needs to feel acceptance and that he is an integral part of the family... which I do by giving him loads of chores to do... that, and by appreciating him and loving him. Just because he towers over me doesn't mean that he should forgo hugs and words of affirmation. In fact, I think that having to run the gauntlet of teenage worries and pressures means that he needs more reaffirmation of our values and love for him more than ever.
Number 1 is 16.
This makes him of a completely different generation to little Bean.
It's much easier for Number 1 and 2 to be involved with each others' lives. After all, they go to the same school, share some interests and can communicate with each other in words... even if it is at full volume. The usual "Get out of my room" and "He took my ..." stuff that sibling relationships are built of.
Number 1 and Bean have been a little more complicated.
Initially, Number 1 seemed reticent to be involved much with Bean and I tried not to put too much pressure on this situation.
He does by now have his own life, and I think inflicting an infant on a teen with ASD is a bit unfair. Without that pressure, he has started to bond more with Bean now, and it is heartwarming to see this relationship grow. I think as Bean's little personality has begun to develop and he has become more of a force, he has penetrated into Number 1's world. I love seeing my usually sometimes surly teenager turn into a clown to get a giggle out of his littlest brother. It's the little moments that count.
As a generally no-touchy person, I watched Number 1 sit with his mouth wide open this morning so that Bean could inspect his teeth with little fingers... and I love that there is a definite a relationship thing happening there.
Number 1 will always take position number 1 in my heart. That doesn't mean that I love him any more or less than the others. He was just there first.
Even though he's a teen, many of his needs are the same as Bean's. Making sure he is fed and cleaned is a tad easier now though as he can do these things for himself. One thing I have made a special point of is to not leave him out. Number 1 often finds sanctuary in his room: a relatively quiet place with his beardy for silent company. And I try to respect that need. At the same time, he needs to feel acceptance and that he is an integral part of the family... which I do by giving him loads of chores to do... that, and by appreciating him and loving him. Just because he towers over me doesn't mean that he should forgo hugs and words of affirmation. In fact, I think that having to run the gauntlet of teenage worries and pressures means that he needs more reaffirmation of our values and love for him more than ever. 
Number 1 is 16.
This makes him of a completely different generation to little Bean.
It's much easier for Number 1 and 2 to be involved with each others' lives. After all, they go to the same school, share some interests and can communicate with each other in words... even if it is at full volume. The usual "Get out of my room" and "He took my ..." stuff that sibling relationships are built of.
Number 1 and Bean have been a little more complicated.
Initially, Number 1 seemed reticent to be involved much with Bean and I tried not to put too much pressure on this situation. He does by now have his own life, and I think inflicting an infant on a teen with ASD is a bit unfair. Without that pressure, he has started to bond more with Bean now, and it is heartwarming to see this relationship grow. I think as Bean's little personality has begun to develop and he has become more of a force, he has penetrated into Number 1's world. I love seeing my usually sometimes surly teenager turn into a clown to get a giggle out of his littlest brother. It's the little moments that count.
As a generally no-touchy person, I watched Number 1 sit with his mouth wide open this morning so that Bean could inspect his teeth with little fingers... and I love that there is a definite a relationship thing happening there.
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